Free your Mind and the Rest will Follow...

After being in the hospital overnight for what I thought was a heart attack but turned out to be an anxiety attack, it has been suggested that going to counseling would be a good idea. Actually, the only people who suggested it were my son, daughter, husband, friends, doctor, well ... you get the drift! In fact, most of them (the ones who know me best) have also suggested quitting my job & getting a different one, if that tells you anything.

Called to make an appt. and guess what? Judy, my counselor (the one I saw several years ago when I was adjusting to (a) living here (b) leaving my family (c) leaving my career (d) selling my house (e) getting married) has... brace yourself... retired & moved to Georgia!!

AAAAAAaaaargh! I LOVED her, she was SO great and SO understanding and we had a wonderful rapport. When I go to counseling I'm not looking for advice. I just need a place where I can openly express my thoughts without having to worry about hurting feelings or having something I say get thrown back at me 20 years later. I'm generally able to figure things out myself, I just need to slow down long enough to say them out loud & acknowledge them.

I'm pretty insightful - in fact, Judy once said that she thought I'd be a wonderful counselor, and that if I ever decided to go into it she would write me a recommendation & help me in any way that she could. I didn't though... I know I'd be good at it, but I also know that I'd take it home with me & worry about each patient incessantly & that would not be good.

So, anyway, I was devastated when I heard that "my Judy" is no longer there. Why am I so upset? Well... partly because I liked her, but also because she's doing what I want to do. (No, not live in Georgia! ...although my DD would undoubtedly get a big kick out of that, because my XDH (her dad) lives there, & she is extremely fond of pointing out things we still do (after 23 years of being divorced) that are the same... like buying the same car... same sheets... same tv... etc. with each of us having no idea (since we don't talk) that the other has purchased these same brands/colors/styles.

Anyway, back to the topic, I know that the REASON Judy moved to Georgia is to be near her granddaughters. She has 3, just like me. Toward the end of my therapy, she & I spent more & more time talking about our granddaughters. (I guess you could say it became more of a friendship than a client/patient relationship.) She ADORED her grandchildren and hated being away from them. I felt the same (still do).

Now she has moved to Georgia where they live & is spending lots of time with them, working part-time at an antique shop (bound to be a welcome relief after listening to people's problems for years) and generally having a BALL. Meanwhile I'm still living a million miles from mine and am truly starting to think that maybe I will NEVER get used to it. I mean, it's been 7 years now, wouldn't you think that if I was going to get used to & accept not seeing them very often, I would've by now?

In case you're wondering how the heck I know so much about what my former counselor is currently doing, relax, I'm not stalking her. The office administrator at the counseling center - she and I have good rapport because we're both transplanted Kentuckians... well, she's not as transplanted as I am since she never actually LIVED there, but she did love spending summers there with her grandparents as a child... well, anyway SHE told me what Judy is up to now. One of the other office workers had just returned from visiting J. in GA.

So.. I have an appt. next week with a new, strange person. Ugh. She won't be Judy, but she's supposed to be good. :-/ We shall see.

Lunch, Shopping, and Looking for Tiny Furboo Love

Had fun today! (I'm trying to make it a point to get out and do more instead of letting work and stress be my whole life.)

Went out to lunch with a good friend and talked my head off. That felt GREAT! We went to a new Indian restaurant -- very yummy & lots of vegetarian choices which was a nice change! She just retired last month & was telling me all about that.

Afterwards I went over to the mall and did a little lingerie shopping for my one and only niece. Sears is having a great sale and had her size (which is hard to find because she is shapely but very slender). Had the BEST time picking out styles & colors & imagining how thrilled she will be with her little goodies. One even had eyelet on the straps - very pretty & unusual I thought. I'll be mailing them to her since she lives a million miles from me.

Then I hit a couple of pet shops just for fun to see if they had chiuahuas (they didn't). My MIL's chiuahua (hope I'm spelling that right - too tired to check) died a month or two ago and she still cries about it every time we talk on the phone... SO DH & I are thinking of getting her one & taking it to her next time we go down there. Of course it won't take Heidi's place, but it will bring back the pitter patter of little feet and companionship for her & my FIL.

We're not going to buy one at a pet shop (for about a million reasons) but I thought it would be fun to play with/pet one while it's so little. When the first pet shop didn't have any I left the mall & headed for a different pet shop close to my house. (See, I was making it a point to stay out & about for an extended period.) Well, that pet shop was closed! Re-opening sometime next month.

We're hoping to find a chi that's a rescue. There are quite a few on http://www.petfinder.com/ (I've been looking.) We don't want one that looks just like Heidi did, because that might make her feel sadder. Heidi was black with brown points.

DH hopes we can find one down near where his mom lives, because he's afraid that if we get it up here & take it to her, I will fall in love with it en route and she'll never see it... ROFL... hate to say it but he is probably right. (That's how we ended up with Mac.) I'm really not a fan of chihuauas, but it pays to be careful, especially when you already have 4 pets in a condo that allows 1 per unit. (oopsie)

So, if you know of someone who had a chi that they're no longer able to care for, let me know! Being located somewhere along the I-75 corridor (Michigan - Ohio - Kentucky) would be a plus. I know lots of times when people have to move into assisted living they have to get rid of their pets, and this would be a really good home for one who likes older people and being spoiled rotten. :-)

Sarcoidosis, MS, Vitiligo, and other unfair diseases

Previously if you'd offered me one wish, I'd have wished for "world peace".

If you made me that offer tonight, I'd wish for "good health for all good people". Right now there are several people in my life who are suffering from diseases with no cure and it is just so unfair.

There are prisons full of people who have done horrid things but are perfectly healthy (physically at least). Why can't THEY be the ones who get the diseases that take away people's mobility, rob them of their ability to breathe comfortably, steal their confidence by removing the pigment from their skin, and do other things that keep them from enjoying life as fully as they deserve?

Yes, I know "life isn't fair" but that's not a good enough reason. I am so angry right now thinking about this. Angry at God? No. I believe most diseases that are still mysterious in orgin are being caused by chemicals and other pollutants that we (humans) have created, not because God is angry or anything like that.

IF it was God's will that people be sick, then it would be the bad people who would be sick. Instead, right now I know several wonderful, giving, caring people who deserve nothing but the best but aren't getting it. I hope that cures will be found SOON to help them. Meanwhile, my heart is aching.

Beware the Facebook Spam!

I have (or should I say had) an e-mail address that virtually never gets spam.

I decided to check out facebook.com -- didn't like it -- BUT it was too late. They had my e-mail address & apparently sold it like a rabid Girl Scout bent on out-selling her sister with the thin mints!

The morning after I'd registered at Facebook (they won't let you even look at it without registering -- that should've set off the warning lights!) I opened my e-mail & had 26 pieces of spam!!! Yes, from 0 to 26 in less than 8 hours.

The facebook-generated spam falls into 3 categories:

1. They can hook me up with a marriage-ready partner. (uh.... sorry guys, you're 7 years too late)
2. Owning my own home can become a reality. (once again, a few years too late!)
3. I can keep it stiff longer. (They don't specify WHAT we're keeping stiff in the title, and I haven't opened any of those to find out... I like to think they mean the meringue on my lemon meringue pie!)

BTW, I didn't like Facebook nearly as well as MySpace, so the whole thing was just a fiasco! On the bright side, if I ever need help finding a husband, owning a home, or keeping my meringue stiff longer, I'll have plenty of reference material available in my mailbox!

The search for a couch continues...

This afternoon Dh & I headed over to the "Lazy Boy Showcase Shop" and checked out their furniture. OMG I could've gone to sleep and stayed there all night & been quite happy! Then we went over to Pier 1 (I knew they wouldn't have what we wanted -- and they didn't -- but it was right across the street & was a good excuse to get to check it out. :-) DH was tired though so we only spent a few minutes in there.

Anyway, we found a sectional that we liked a lot at LB. We got a sheet with dimensions on it (you can switch around the componentsw to make one that fits room). I'm going to play around with it tomorrow (the measurements) and see what I come up with.

I'm still having a hard time getting excited about spending this much money when we already have a couch. It's getting worn, but still.. we've been talking about getting bills paid off & here we are about to add to them instead. :-(

Ah well, we'll see....

Couch Shopping

Saturday:

Today we went to 2 large furniture stores and sat on approximately 75 couches! Big ones, small ones, sectionals, leather, denim, faux suede, you name it, I sat on it! None of them fit the bill. The most COMFORTABLE one had CUP HOLDERS, can you imagine??? I mean, it was fabulously comfortable but OMG it looked like it belonged in one of those big conversion vans, not a living room. Will continue search tomorrow.

Sunday:

Went to the furniture store in the little village where we used to live & looked at their extremely nice, outrageously expensive couches. This is where DH bought his furniture before we were married, and before he had a house payment or utility payments to make (they wre perks of his job). He kept pointing out how much more solid the couches there felt than the ones we sat on yesterday (which was true). I pointed out that if we were going to spend that much money, we could (for the price of one couch at that store) buy the enormous flat-screen tv he wants PLUS go on a really nice trip (that I'd like). We came out without a couch.

Later in the day mentioned to a friend that we were looking at couches. She asked if we'd looked at Jennifer's Convertibles. Got on-line to see if it looks like it's worth driving to (it's about 30 miles away). This (amusing/scary article) was at the top of the search results: http://www.realestateabc.com/insights/jenniferfurniture.htm
Hmmm, may not look there... but again maybe. Will send the article to DH & see what he thinks.

We would like a small sectional couch. It does not need to seat 27 people, as some of the ones we've seen seem to be designed to do. Four people would be plenty. :-) Feel free to post your furniture store and/or furniture company experiences, both pro & con!

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