I just added a pic to my last post & it got me to thinking, seeing the 2 photos side-by-side, about how many changes DH & I have endured this year. Somehow it was reassuring seeing that I haven't changed all THAT much really, at least not on the outside. I feel (internally) like I've aged a good 20 years just since that pic was made last May.
It was on the way home from the birthday party/picnic (where the pic was taken) that I got the call that my husband was in the emergency room with his heart rate insanely high and his oxygen level dangerously low. They were considering doing a heart cath right away. Hearing his voice & knowing he was all alone & that there was no way I could get there in time to help him through the frightening procedure was horrible! Fortunately it turned out he didn't have to have the hearth cath, but my confidence that he'd be fine when I was (400 miles) away was shattered.
Since that happened I've cut myself off from my friends & not lived a healthy lifestyle at all. The health crisis that led to his being in the ER that day led to an all-consuming fear, fear that I would lose this man I love so much. A move was necessary because of all the stairs in our home. Other changes, including his having to take a medical retirement, came about & the resulting decrease in income and increase in stress seemed to suck the energy out of both of us. Talking to friends just seemed to take more effort than it was worth. I had the urge to "batten down the hatches" and stay close to home. We both went into "automatic pilot" in a way.
This Spring I feel a bit of change in the air, as they say, and am hoping that the changes we're considering will result in a happier situation for both DH and me. That would be cool! Just having something new to talk about has been refreshing after a winter centered around ill health and fear.
I came across this Bible verse yesterday & need to make it a point to remember it next time things seem so overwhelmingly bad: “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, even though the earth be removed, and though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea; though its waters roar and be troubled, though the mountains shake with its swelling.” Psalms 46:1-3 I hope it will inspire you and bring you peace as it did me last night.
Saturday, June 12, 2010
Saturday, June 5, 2010
It's a brand new day - hurrah! I'm hoping to either do some sewing or make a few cards for FUN & to boost my happiness level. Creating things makes me very happy but sometimes I forget that & spend too much of my "free time" on the computer instead. (Easy to do since it's fun too, just in a different way.)
A few months ago I decided to stop coloring my hair & just see 1. how much white was hiding, and 2. how it looked that way. I've always just used temporary color that washed out in 6 weeks so it didn't take long for it to all be gone & shiny silver showed up promptly.
My husband likes it - he prefers it being "natural" so he was happy about my decision. None of my friends or co-workers said anything about the change. Then, last weekend, I saw my kids & my grandchildren for the first time since going natural. I was curious about what they'd think... I know Jas & Jen tend to prefer it when it's the style & color that it was when they were growing up... I don't think they like the idea of their mom getting older.
So, what did they say about the new silvery streaks in mom's hair? Nothing! (Maybe because their mom, aka me, taught them "if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all". LOL!
The only person to mention it was my youngest granddaughter Bri, who is 5. We were coloring paperdolls to look like ourselves, & she said "Nana, I have black hair like you! Yours has some gray though, but that's ok! I love you anyway."
"Umm.. thanks" I said (laughing). "That's why I'm using the black glitter crayon for my hair - the glitter is the silver."
Brianna nodded. "Well, Nana, you don't have to worry. I will always love you no matter WHAT you look like!" she exclaimed & gave me a big hug. ROFL!
So... now I'm rethinking the hair color. Here's a pic - taken in a disheveled moment but it shows the color - or lack of!. As you can see there's not a LOT of silver, but it's definitely there. Also, for comparison, there's one taken 1 year ago when I was still coloring it. What do you think? All opinions welcome!
Friday, June 4, 2010
Aaack, I'm feeling so grouchy today I can hardly stand myself! Guess I'm still getting over the fun & frolick (& many hours in the car) of last weekend! It was definitely worth it - I had a great time - but I feel like I've been "rode hard & put up wet" as they say.
My shoulder blade has a knot the size of Texas & is hurting like crazy, my Florida plans got cancelled (thanks a lot, BP Oil), and my stomach is killing me. Whine whine whine! The good news is that I have keep the grouchiness to myself & haven't yelled at anybody or anything like that. The fact that I didn't see a soul the whole time I was at work made that pretty easy. Can you believe it?? Even the mailman didn't come in to use the restroom like the usually does. I couldn've worn my bathrobe to work & nobody would've known the difference!
Luckily it's Friday so hopefully I'll get rested up & feel better. If the weather permits we'll plant some flowers tomorrow & get the front porch/sunroom fixed up for Summer. :-) I'm wanting to get a porch swing for the patio but so far haven't seen one I liked. Home Depot had the perfect one last Summer but so far this year they don't have it. Crossing my fingers that I'll find one soon! Swinging is so soothing - it makes things seem much better!