Tuesday, November 20, 2007

blah blah blah

It has been gray and gloomy all day, and is now starting to rain. It is 5:30 and already dark! I am feeling really grouchy for no particular reason. Usually I'm a pretty positive person, so this is kind of strange. Part of it could be because I'm tired. DH had surgery Thursday, so part could be the stress of his having surgery & worrying about his health and all that.

I know that part of the grouchiness is disappointment because the day before his surgery he was offered a different position at work which would've had him working the hours we'd love, but because it pays significantly less he turned it down yesterday... which of course brings us to money. Ugh.

After the holidays I will probably be getting a full-time job. Doing what? I don't know. What I do know is that right now I'm working very hard at a place where my boss appreciates me greatly but the "powers that be" take me for granted. My boss has asked them (repeatedly) to increase my work-time by 4 hours a week so I would be eligible for benefits (insurance, retirement, etc.) but they won't. :-(

I've been working there for over 5 years now. If I had stayed Kentucky teaching I'd have 20 years under my belt (instead of 15), but I didn't. Sometimes I wonder if maybe I screwed that one up. :-/ Moving here for love & with no thought of retirement... but can you really live your whole life with your retirement being the main goal? I don't think so.

A former co-worker of mine started teaching the same year I do. From the very beginning she was counting down the days to retirement! Imagine somebody in their 20's saying "2 years down, just 28 more to go!" OMG if you feel that way you should find yourself a different job. Her attitude reflected the counting down too - she didn't have any of the enthusiasm or love of children that would've made her a better teacher.

I, on the other hand, had enthusiasm and love and was considered by many to be a wonderful teacher (if I do say so myself LOL) ... yet here I am being the one who is no longer teaching while she is still down there plugging away. (After 15 years of living as a strong, very independent single woman/teacher I was swept off my feet by DH and in the blink of an eye I'd sold my house, quit my job, and left everybody I knew hundreds of miles away.)

Anyway, back to my current job, the kicker is that they have decided that the office needs to be open on Friday mornings now (for 4 hours) but instead of offering ME those hours (which would mean I'd get benefits..see the last paragraph) and would have useful time to get some of the zillions of things I'm expected to get done in 16 hours) they are having a woman come in as a volunteer. This kind of ticks me off. Of course she doesn't do any of the things I do, she just answers the phone... what a waste.

Ok, so the more I write the more I realize why I'm grouchy.

I'm disappointed because even though Lasik surgery has given me perfect vision during the day, I have the halo-effect at night which makes it difficult to drive. :-( I don't know if that will get better or not... when I had the Lasik done the dr. said that my vision would change some during the first year - but in a couple of weeks it will have been a year and the halos are still there.

Ok, complaining will now come to a screeching halt because one of the dogs is gazing at me with his "gee I sure do need to go outside" look. :-) That means I get to go out and walk in the freezing rain in the dark, yee ha! (Really it's not that bad, sometimes walking outside can make you feel better even when it is icky weather.)

Icky. Yep I said it - such a good vocabulary I have. Yep I have a Master's Degree. (snort!) (If Jason reads this he will know why I snorted-)

Anyway, onward and upwards - the canine bladder awaits...


Brenda said...

i am so sorry you are having a bad day (BTW-- it gets dark here before 6 in the evening) it's dark when i leave and dark when i get home grrrrr!! anyway just remember that this too will pass and it will be warm (or hot) weather before we know it. I wish you could send some of your rain down here-- we are 13.92 inches under our normal
anyway i know what you mean about the working and retirement think. it is easy to beat yourself up with the "what ifs" and "should haves"
I think it stinks that the work 'pwers that be' are treating you badly. that pretty much stinks too. any chance of teaching in MI? i mean if you wanted to
as my friend Rhonda keeps telling me "keep your chin up--God still loves you and so do I"
big virtual ((((HUGS))))

VexedAngel said...


I hope things are looking up... prayers for you and your family, and I hope Ron is recovering from his surgery well!