What the heck is wrong with me??? I'm sitting here feeling ill because of a photo I just saw. Why did I look at it? I dunno. :-( I was just merrily surfing along, randomly clicking on things that took me from one website to another when all of a sudden there was a page of pics of people jumping out of the twin towers on 9/11.
That sounds really bad, but to be honest the photos were so surreal - the people suspended in mid-air, clothes flying out like wings - that it didn't make me sick. Sad, yes, but not sick.
What did make me sick was a photo that had originally been included in that gallery but then was removed because it wasn't actually taken on 9/11. It was taken of a guy who had "just" jumped 20 floors. The article "helpfully" explained that the jumpers at the twin towers were virtually obliterated when they hit the ground. This guy, on the other hand, resembled road kill. Why did I look at it? I don't know. Why did I find myself studying every aspect of it very closely? I don't know.
Why did my mind have to start thinking about my friend who jumped off the bridge into water that "when jumped into from a great height is the same as hitting concrete" therefore meaning he may have looked a lot like this guy? I don't know. There was a photo beside that one of another jumper (again, not from the towers) who had landed on his/her face. The clothes were gone (blown off?) but you couldn't tell if it was male or female. It looked like an empty fat suit.
I'm a normal person who doesn't like gore. I won't even go to movies that are bloody... but here I am staring the remains of these real people when I won't even go watch the fake ones with fake blood. It's just very odd. I'd like to share it with DH (you know how sometimes sharing something reduces its enormity in your mind) but I know he would be totally grossed out. I am too, but I brought it on myself.
I hope I don't end up like those poor people with my body all broken. I hope I die in my sleep while wearing nice pajamas.
I feel like I'm going to cry or throw up or both, and I brought this all on myself. How stupid. I should've just stayed on the scrapbooking page.