Monday, July 30, 2007

Free your Mind and the Rest will Follow...

After being in the hospital overnight for what I thought was a heart attack but turned out to be an anxiety attack, it has been suggested that going to counseling would be a good idea. Actually, the only people who suggested it were my son, daughter, husband, friends, doctor, well ... you get the drift! In fact, most of them (the ones who know me best) have also suggested quitting my job & getting a different one, if that tells you anything.

Called to make an appt. and guess what? Judy, my counselor (the one I saw several years ago when I was adjusting to (a) living here (b) leaving my family (c) leaving my career (d) selling my house (e) getting married) has... brace yourself... retired & moved to Georgia!!

AAAAAAaaaargh! I LOVED her, she was SO great and SO understanding and we had a wonderful rapport. When I go to counseling I'm not looking for advice. I just need a place where I can openly express my thoughts without having to worry about hurting feelings or having something I say get thrown back at me 20 years later. I'm generally able to figure things out myself, I just need to slow down long enough to say them out loud & acknowledge them.

I'm pretty insightful - in fact, Judy once said that she thought I'd be a wonderful counselor, and that if I ever decided to go into it she would write me a recommendation & help me in any way that she could. I didn't though... I know I'd be good at it, but I also know that I'd take it home with me & worry about each patient incessantly & that would not be good.

So, anyway, I was devastated when I heard that "my Judy" is no longer there. Why am I so upset? Well... partly because I liked her, but also because she's doing what I want to do. (No, not live in Georgia! ...although my DD would undoubtedly get a big kick out of that, because my XDH (her dad) lives there, & she is extremely fond of pointing out things we still do (after 23 years of being divorced) that are the same... like buying the same car... same sheets... same tv... etc. with each of us having no idea (since we don't talk) that the other has purchased these same brands/colors/styles.

Anyway, back to the topic, I know that the REASON Judy moved to Georgia is to be near her granddaughters. She has 3, just like me. Toward the end of my therapy, she & I spent more & more time talking about our granddaughters. (I guess you could say it became more of a friendship than a client/patient relationship.) She ADORED her grandchildren and hated being away from them. I felt the same (still do).

Now she has moved to Georgia where they live & is spending lots of time with them, working part-time at an antique shop (bound to be a welcome relief after listening to people's problems for years) and generally having a BALL. Meanwhile I'm still living a million miles from mine and am truly starting to think that maybe I will NEVER get used to it. I mean, it's been 7 years now, wouldn't you think that if I was going to get used to & accept not seeing them very often, I would've by now?

In case you're wondering how the heck I know so much about what my former counselor is currently doing, relax, I'm not stalking her. The office administrator at the counseling center - she and I have good rapport because we're both transplanted Kentuckians... well, she's not as transplanted as I am since she never actually LIVED there, but she did love spending summers there with her grandparents as a child... well, anyway SHE told me what Judy is up to now. One of the other office workers had just returned from visiting J. in GA.

So.. I have an appt. next week with a new, strange person. Ugh. She won't be Judy, but she's supposed to be good. :-/ We shall see.


{b r a n d i} said...

Aw, you will do fine. I'm sorry Judy moved, but maybe you needed to be able to open up to someone new who could help you more objectively than Judy, who knew you more intimately, if that makes sense. At any rate, I hope it goes well!!

VexedAngel said...

I'm sorry Judy's gone, but I'm sending you good vibes for this new person! :-) It will be nice to have somewhere safe to talk each week--I soooo understand that need.

fuzzywhitedogs said...

Thanks you both! Yes, it will be great to have somewhere "safe" to vent again - it has been a l-o-n-g time!

And yeah, a new person very well may be better since I'll probably concentrate more on the issues & less on socializing. :-)